A Response to “Read at Your Own Risk”

This is why I love this blog!  A dedicated reader came to catch up on some posts and in turn, had a strong reaction to one, thus spurring her to write a response.  She’s asked to remain anonymous (just like the author of the post to which she refers), and for her candor I do not blame her.  You’re all always welcome to share your thoughts, too, just email me, Ms. Betwixter, at darrah@thebetwixter.com.  Take a read from our fellow reader:

How typical for a man to argue the finer points of vaginal landscaping. I ask, does this man wax his balls? Does he trim his pubes? The author of “Read at Your Own Risk” makes some practical points on the art of female landscaping, but they are not his points to make. If I deconstruct his argument correctly, he is first, discussing how cultural perceptions of the landscaping has changed from preferred but not expected, to almost necessary; then he shifts the reason for this cultural change from men’s fascination with porn, to women’s obedience to porn expectations; and then caps it off with practical reasons a woman should go bare down there, all of which, might I add, have to do with the male preference and male pleasure. I’m here to say: don’t listen to him. Don’t let this man’s article in anyway make you feel self-conscience if you skip the razor. When, women, are we going to stop trying so hard to make men happy? Why not, for once, put ourselves first? I’m guilty of it too – I’ll wax for the preference of a man, but it’s a compromise. I’ll go, at max, once a month, and I absolutely refuse the full Brazilian because it hurts too damn much, so it’s just not worth it. And if it’s not worth it to me, it shouldn’t be something he should expect, demand, or receive. Every time I go to the waxer, I find it to be a somewhat humiliating and belittling experience, but obviously the author of “Read at Your Own Risk,” didn’t factor that in.  And razors? Man, talk about bumps, ingrowns, and just plain, uncomfortable, itching.

I also find the author’s use of Sex and the City references to miss the point – Samantha hasn’t changed her opinion.  She’s always done what she’s needed to do to make herself feel sexually confident, and that’s why she was so pissed off that a man with no grooming tactics of his own, had the gall to say anything about hers. In the 2001 episode the author references, Samantha’s talking about the week in between waxes – THE WEEK! Who, WHO, goes for a wax every 2 weeks? There’s barely anything there! So, of course, she would comment on Miranda’s hair spillage in the movie, which, of course, is exaggerated for effect. I would never dawn a bathing suit if I had that going on, because of course, I’d be too self-conscience, but kudos for Miranda for putting it out there. I knew there was a reason I always admired her character 🙂

Ladies, I’m not advocating you stop waxing/shaving and go au natural. I’m simply advocating that we stop, stop, defining our sexuality and confidence by the opinions of men. We are not theirs to mold, and we don’t have to do things we’re not comfortable with. The author of “Read at Your Own Risk,” first blames us for causing men to want us to groom, and then gives us reasons men prefer it, in order to convince us that this is what we need to do. My rebuttal is simply: no we don’t. We don’t have to do anything they want us to just because they prefer it. What man is going to turn away because he finds some hair down there, anyway?

Any man who does is a man who doesn’t deserve to be there in the first place.


  1. Very interesting history lesson. I certainly didn’t now that, but feel more-the-wiser that I do.

  2. Right on. I’d like to point out, also, that it’s not just women accepting the norms of pornography but that those norms of pornography are based on sexualized norms of *childhood*, and that’s truly disgusting. Adult women have hair. To expect one’s sexual partner to appear pre-pubescent from the waist down is one of the most disturbing modern beauty norms out there.

    The history of why American women shave their body hair at all is that during and after WW I, Gillette wanted to sell more razors. So they took out advertisements in women’s magazines trying to convince women that our natural state is less-than-beautiful. Just think of how much we could have accomplished if we had been able to spend our time, money and energy on matters far more important.

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