As I welcome back guest blogger Margo, I want to remind Betwixter readers new and old that I’m always in the market for guest writers (anonymous are welcome, too). Many of you express interest, so pop one out and share with your quarter-life community!
Take a read:
Following Ms. Betwixter’s lead on the theme of navigating through friends and peers in different walks of life, I wanted to add my own two cents about being in a relationship. I am in a relationship. Albeit, a relationship with an ex whom my friends have a love-hate relationship with (as i suspect most loving and loyal friends would). That said, to me the relationship is still new. I would equate it with the feeling of finding that your favorite old pair of jeans fit you perfectly and suddenly you have a brand new wardrobe. The point of me explaining this is to relay the fact that, to me, this relationship thing feels new.
Along with that new-ness is my role in my group of friends. I am no longer the person the girls call to go out with for a night on the town. Or the one that has the awesome day-after stories. I’ve become the person they request for dinner. And the person they expect to be in on a Saturday night. And if I arrive at a pregame or bar, I am unapproachable. All the boys I presumed I was friends with don’t talk to me. Apparently because I have arrived with someone, I cannot be asked how I am doing or how work is or be offered a drink.
Having a boyfriend apparently translates into “I don’t want to hang out with my friends and I can only hang out with my boyfriend and I am entirely codependent and I don’t make my own decisions.” I suppose if I had more confidence I could counter these claims by simply not caring, but I can’t seem to shake the feeling that I am disappointing my girlfriends. Does farewell to being single mean saying farewell to fun? I feel the growing scorn of my single contemporaries and I feel left out.
I do not have many friends in relationships, so I am the odd man out. But I know a big part of this is also getting ME to accept that I am in a new place in life. That I cannot be getting drinks from various men, that I don’t want to have the hilarious yet shameful walk of shame stories, and that perhaps I do enjoy time with my boyfriend watching movies on a Saturday night. I have fun, it’s just a different kind of fun. While I wish my single friends wouldn’t throw me out with the bathwater, I can understand why being with “a couple” isn’t exactly their preference. It’s just hard accepting that I am now that girl. The one with a boyfriend.
Note from Ms. Betwixter: In this edition, Margo bridges a topic I’m sure we all have faced from one side of the coin or the other (or both). Certainly a situation that varies within friend circles dependent on who is(n’t) in a relationship at the time. While there can certainly be jealousy involved on the part of the single friends (both of the time lost to the significant other as well as those who wish they were coupled up), it’s also just natural that people in similar life stages cling together. Goes back to my thoughts on having some difficulty fitting into the lives of my friends/family with children or who are married. Like Margo said about watching a movie on a Saturday night, priorities and preferences change. I do hope for Margo and others that if that relationship status were to change, that the friend circle would welcome her back with open arms. Although, and Margo can speak for herself on this one, there’s always the criminal friend who completely neglects all of his/her friends while in a relationship and comes back to a group of resentful buddies post-breakup. Ladies and gents: single or taken, remember that regardless of whether or not you’re coupled up, you can’t forget your friends. (Insert collective awww.)
Well, I’m off tomorrow to the Keys with my best friends from high school (that’s right, you can still make time no matter the physical distance or stage in life), so catch you all next week!