response to ‘an honest letter’

I’ve been remiss not to address this sooner, but when my dear friend Molly shared with us ‘an honest letter‘ back in February, she laid out a series of questions for both me and the community to answer.  My delay could be a result of everything that happens day-to-day that inspires me to comment here, but I do want to respond now.  It means a lot for me, and I hope some of you, to digest the perspectives of our peers who see things differently.  As I mentioned in that post, Molly and I have known one another since middle school and in the years that have passed, while we’ve grown and changed, we’ve always remained friends.  What’s so beautiful is how amazingly opposite we are in some ways, as was evidenced in her beautiful letter.  Here is an excerpt in which she pointedly asked for us to share feedback:

“Darrah, strategizers, meticulous planners tell me! What is it like to be plan-y? Do you ‘look forward’ and see things? I look forward and see my imagination imagining things but they are not real things necessarily. It is living and learning and taking on not great jobs and finding meaningful jobs, moving to new apartments, seeing out of new windows, meeting people, leaving people, re-uniting, taking plane trips, coming home for holidays, trying to understand my place and our place. What do you see? I am so curious.”

Community, join me in answering her.  I will lead with my thoughts…

Molly- I see a lot of the same things.  I see travel here and there.  I see the birth and death of relationships (familiar, friendly, romantic) as well as the brushing up to people with whom we may never encounter again.  I see job/career growth and change.  But, I suppose, the main difference is that I see certain things very particularly.  I set my sight on certain goals and dreams and even put them to paper.  I do allow myself to adapt and adjust as both I and the world around me changes and  therefore, will likely mold and adjust my aims.  But, the way my brain is wired, it’s motivating to know where I want to go so that my day-to-day life can help me to head in that direction.

From both your writing and what I know of you, you’re a free spirit and that  is one of the things that makes you so wonderful to be around.  For ‘meticulous planners’ like me, to have someone who sees life as an adventure to be lived, rather than planned, is freeing.  Having you and others like you in one’s life somewhat allows us to live vicariously through your unfettered spirit and for moments, play in your world.  But, at the end of the day, I wouldn’t be me were I not a type-A planner who thrives on written goals, agendas, calendars, and plans.

I wouldn’t doubt we’ll both get whatever it is we want in life . I see the difference as that I have specific destinations I plan to reach and you are quite happily open to allowing things to come as they do and to imprint on those experiences your unique perspective and skills.

If we all were like me, it would be a classic  ‘too many chiefs’ situation, and if we all were like you, we may not get as many practical things completed.  Hence, the beauty of us being different.

Thank you for sharing your perspective of the world with us.  I hope this can continue to be  a forum where diverse opinions and perspectives are shared.  That’s the point.  While mine is great, it’s certainly just one.


  1. Thanks for the feedback Sanjana and Tori! Sanjana, I did fear in writing that comment that it would sound the way you read it, but I really meant no harm by it. Some of my closest friends and favorite people are free-spirited and I revel in the time we spend together as it allows me a freedom to play, be adventurous, and not think to a plan or schedule. It’s simply that at the end of the day, I go back to my agenda and my natural wiring and realize it’s fun to appreciate that mentality and enjoy it from time-to-time but it’s just so totally unnatural to me that those jaunts are short-lived.

  2. What is it like being a planner? I am early, even when I am late. Vacation plans involve coded index cards with dates, accommodations, and sites not to be missed–and cards allow for “planned spontaneity time” for detours and surprises. At work I try always to be ahead of deadlines for fear that unexpected contingencies might throw me off. I am puzzled by those who are “down to the wire people” like my husband of 30+ years, but I accept that they are like that for life too. Being organized does not make me a neat freak…

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