To Be, Or Not To Be…

Let’s all give an underwhelmed golf clap to our first ever male guest blogger! He’s asked that I protect his identity so as not to out him or his ex-lady-friend,  so I hope we’ll all welcome ‘Brucey Johnson’ (that was the best he could come up with)…

Is She The “One?”
Last year, I met a gorgeous blonde at a Christmas party. She caught my eye when I walked in and I made it a point to talk to her later in the night. We went on our first date six days later and the rest was history.   At some point, all the other women in my life (Mother, aunts, cousins, best friend’s mothers, close girl-friends), realized that I was maturing and crazy about her. I am not sure what goes on in a woman’s mind (no straight man is), but one thing is for certain.  All of them asked me, “Is she the one?”   I would be lying if I said I had not thought about that.  However, I was not ready to talk about it, so I brushed the question off with a standard response, “I’m 26 and there is no rush.”

Last week, I found myself having a tough conversation with her that ultimately ended in a break-up.  Breaking up is terrible and extremely painful.  However, this break-up has been worse than others.  The question I avoided from the most important females in my life is continually playing in my mind.  I wish it was a simple question to answer. However, it is not so black and white. There are many things I adore about her, but like always there are some clashes. Every relationship is going to have some clashes.  The question is, can both individuals live with the clashes or come to common ground.

At the end of the day, I need to put my faith in the cliché saying “if it is meant to be, it will.”  Pain may lie ahead, but I am willing to endure the pain if it results in happiness for both of us down the road.

Note from Ms. Betwixter:

Thanks for being so honest and thoughtful Brucey.  I think anyone who’s been in a successful or failed relationship would agree with you that there are always going to be things that you question and wonder when is it okay to compromise, and when you might be settling.  If you want another cliche’ Brucey, ‘time heals all wounds’ and we Betwixters are eager for a follow-up when you’re healed and optimistic about a new blonde.


  1. I feel you. I really do. But, here is some cold, hard truth I hope will reach you from these anonymous fingers on the keyboard of experience: Your young lady friend is full of shit.

    Love is an action, a living breathing force. Loving someone is not saying that you do. (God, if it were that easy).

    Were she in love with you, she would not want to hurt you. She would either let you go or be with you. Instead, she has selfishly sought to have her cake and eat it too. Either she is lying, or more likely, does not know what love is.

    If you somehow still wish to distinguish yourself in her eyes, don’t be another in what I am sure is a long string of chumps that has let her get away with it.



  2. This post and the one about Oprah’s quote makes me think about what I’m currently going through. I’m in a “situationship” with this one young lady. She’s absolutely gorgeous, intelligent and creative… and she knows it. She can have any guy or girl she wants and is into both. Because of this, she doesn’t want to call what we have a relationship, so she won’t have any “closed doors.” We’ve been seeing each other since August and I’ve fallen hard for her. She told me from the beginning that there could be a possibility that she may fool around with other people (girls or guys) if the situation’s right. Well, I told her that as long as it’s not a guy, I wouldn’t care, but she couldn’t promise to not do that. She did tell me that she wasn’t interested in being with any other guys. As “luck” would have it, she had gone out with a guy friend of hers for the third time ever and they fooled around. They didn’t actually have sex, but lets say that I would still need an x-rating to describe what happened. She was honest about it all and told me right away; sparing no details. She told me that she’s in love with me, I’m very important in her life, and likes him only superficially. She would never choose him over me, but she can’t cut out being with guys or stop talking to him because it would change who she is. Of course, I never asked her to stop talking to him. That’s just not in my nature. So, I’m at a major crossroads here and either path seems treacherous. To be or not to be.

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